THE STRANGER: WHEN THE MASK FALLS OFF

EPISODE 5: The Stranger dives into the kind of relationship that doesn’t just break your heart — it scrambles your reality. That moment when the charming, attentive, “soulmate” version of someone disappears… and you realize the person you fell in love with never actually existed.

This week, our guest Abi walks us through the charm, the control, and the psychological warfare that hides behind “love,” giving you a front-row seat to exactly how emotional and mental abuse rewires your mind.

And yes — our community has a name.We call our followers Trauma Bonders. We joke and use a fucked up thing to make the situation light...but its true definition is actually a mental mindfuck....LITERALLY

THE PHASES OF THIS HORROR:

Abuse from a narcissist (or someone using narcissistic patterns) often plays out like a horror movie — repeated, predictable, and emotionally devastating:

1. Idealization — AKA The Love Spell

They’re charming, attentive, “soulmate-level perfect.” They love bomb, flatter, make you feel like you’re the only one in their story. You feel seen, cherished — like you’re in a dream.

2. Devaluation — AKA When the Mask Slips

Suddenly, the compliments turn into criticism. The warmth turns cold. You feel like you’re living with a shape-shifter who hates you for breathing wrong. This is where your sanity starts packing its bags.

3. Discard — AKA The Plot Twist You Didn’t See Coming

They push you away, ghost you, abandon you emotionally (sometimes physically). You’re left reeling, questioning everything you thought was real.

4. Hoovering — AKA The Undead Comeback

Just when you think it’s over, they pop back in — texts, calls, sudden apologies, or threats. They pull you back into the shadow, trying to reel you in again.

THE TORTURE DEVICES:

Knowing what is in these abusers pack in their "Torture kit" can help prepare you to look for the giant BLOOD RED FLAGS that become more and more noticable once their mask slips off. Here are the definitions ( they are often overused in daily language)... These aren't those watered down versions...they tell you the raw, real fucking deal:

Trauma Bond — A psychological and biochemical attachment created through cycles of abuse and intermittent positive reinforcement. You feel addicted to the person, even when you know they hurt you.

Love Bombing — Intense, overwhelming attention, gifts, or praise meant to gain emotional control quickly.

Gaslighting — Deliberate manipulation of your memory, perception, or feelings so you doubt your reality.

Narcissist — Someone with persistent patterns of grandiosity, entitlement, lack of empathy, and manipulation that harms relationships — romantic, familial, or professional.

Flying Monkeys — People enlisted by the narcissist — friends, family, coworkers — to spread messages, pressure you, or enforce their control.

Reactive Abuse — When the target finally reacts to prolonged abuse and the narcissist frames that reaction as evidence that you are the abuser.

Hoovering — The manipulative comeback: apologies, messages, or crises designed to pull you back into the cycle.

Triangulation & Playing the Victim — Bringing in others or framing themselves as the victim to manipulate your perception, guilt, or loyalty.

WHAT THE FUCK NOW?

Does any of this feels too familiar — like someone just described your relationship — then this episode and this blog are for you.This is where things start to make sense.Where you stop blaming yourself.Where you realize you’re not imagining it, you’re not dramatic, YOU AREN'T THE CRAZY ONE and you’re definitely not alone.

Here are the resources we recommend:

Books / Audio

• Becoming the Narcissist’s Worst Nightmare by Shahida Arabi — Book & Audio Info

• Effective Co-Parenting or Parallel Parenting with a Narcissist by Claire Brown — Apple Books / Audiobook

Local Help (New Braunfels, TX)

• Oakwood Counseling Center — individual counseling + Celebrate Recovery 12-step program

• Celebrate Recovery Info

• Knowledge That Helps – Facebook community founded by Jo Sutch

Online Support

• Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Center – coaching, survivor resources, and education

• Verywell Mind – guide to finding legitimate online or in-person narcissistic abuse support groups

Crisis / Immediate Help

• National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233 or chat online (thehotline.org)

This episode isn’t here to tell you who to leave, when to leave, or how to feel. It’s here to hand you the truth — and let you decide what to do with it.

THE END....OR IS IT???

If this hits too close to home… take a breath. You’re not broken. You’re not crazy. You’re waking up — and that’s the beginning of everything.

And to any abusers who may end up on this page… the ones who gaslit, manipulated, and tried to break their victim:

PLOT TWIST: WE ARE STILL ALIVE.